Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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