I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
