Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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