Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
