is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
