Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
not ubering you a puppy
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
