Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
