I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
