Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
birth control should be required to get into college
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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