I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
