The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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