I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
