I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
