he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
