I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
