You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
