No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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