i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
