i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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