I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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