i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
