I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
