the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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