the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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