great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Randomize
