apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
