after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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