In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
