I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
