I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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