I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
