the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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