Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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