He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
