There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
