I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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