omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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