I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If I die, sorry about rent.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
