you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
