I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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