I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
