can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
