I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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