so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
