we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
