Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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