Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
