I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
