it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
