Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
