oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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