My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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