I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
