I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
