I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
