ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
